The Walking Dead season finale

HOW COULD THEY KILL MERLE?

I was so mad. He’s changing, doing something selfless and good, trying to finally protect his little brother, and they kill him.

At least it wasn’t Daryl. I will quit watching if they kill Daryl. Hear me, AMC? DON’T KILL DARYL. EVER.

Here’s the secret of job security on The Walking Dead: BE BORING.

Seriously, if you’re a boring character, you will live forever on that show. The second you show any character development or change or growth, watch out — they’ll ax you.

I never particularly liked Laurie, I’ll be honest. She moped around and didn’t seem to do much. Why everyone wanted to sleep with her was beyond me. And getting so PO’ed at Rick for shooting Shane? For killing before he was killed? I was really annoyed. Boring and stupid. There was that whole madonna-earth mother-repopulating the planet thing, which was all heart-warming and all. And then she got interesting! She acknowledged how wrong she was and was so patient with Rick and she was kicking butt on the zombies and allowing her son to grow up, and then BANG! — Laurie dies.

T-Dog started getting interesting, and BANG! — T-Dog died. Doing something selfless and amazing. You should have stayed selfish and boring, T-Dog.

Merle was actually pretty boring originally — I mean, senseless, purposeless meanness is boring. You sure never wondered, “Gosh, I wonder what Merle will do here?” You knew he would do the meanest thing possible. Then he has some character growth, lets Michonne go, and heads out to stop the gov’nuh, and BANG! — Merle’s dead.

Andrea stops the whining and “I feel left out” crap and tries to heal the world, and BANG! — Andrea’s dead. (Why did she ever sleep with the governor? I would rather stick needles in my eyeballs, seriously. I’d rather sleep with the zombies. Plus I thought she had a thing for Michonne.)

The scientist stops being an enabling wimp, and BANG! — scientist is dead.

Speaking of Michonne, I’m expecting her to die any minute. When she first came on board, all she did was stomp around looking angry and crazy and refusing to talk. Boooorrring. Then she joins the gang and does some spectacular zombie kills and talks Merle out of killing her (that girl tricked him but good) and forgives Rick…and is that chemistry I’m seeing between her and Rick? I figure she’ll sleep with Rick and then they’ll kill her off.

So who’s alive and will never die? The blonde sister (so boring I don’t know her name). And don’t think finally getting off your dead butt (no pun intended) and killing a zombie saves you, especially since you did it while hiding behind a fence. Look at your sister, getting all riot-geared up and kicking butt. That girl is interesting. (Oh crap). Glenn — he’s slightly more interesting this season, but he always seems about to cry, which annoys me. The old guy. What’s more boring than this sage voice of wisdom who just gives in to all Rick’s craziness? “You’re the boss” is his stock phrase. He was so much more interesting when he fought with Rick. Patricia would be interesting if she starting banging Daryl, but she hasn’t bagged him yet, so I guess she’s safe. If Daryl finally comes to his senses (and seriously, there are almost no women around, and you’re going to die any minute, and this woman offers herself up — why in the heck would you not bang anyone you could get your hands on?), then she’s a prime killing candidate.

I guess Laurie was just boring enough to get brought  back to flutter around in a flowy white dress ad nauseam. What’s with the white dress? Did she ever wear a flowy white dress when she was alive? No, she did not. (I thought the viewer comment that Daryl might start seeing Merle in a flowy white dress was hilarious.) If she were smacking the crap out of Rick for neglecting her kids, that would work for me, but no, she’s going to drift around silently.

I used to worry that Rick would die, because he was interesting, but then he got all mean-Rick, crazy-Rick, which was boring the pants off me, so I guess he’s safe. I’m glad he seems to be waking up. Hopefully they won’t kill him for it.

The governor is BORING! Kill the jerk, please! But he’s boring, so he and his two buddies get to live. The one person I was really looking forward to watching die, and he lives. Arrrggg.

So, they bring a bus-load of old people and kids back to the prison. Am I the only one who sees an issue here? I hesitate to say this, being old myself, but old people in a zombie-virus apocalypse are a real liability. They tend to die in their sleep and become zombies and eat all the tasty, tender little children. Sorry, Myself, but were I Rick, I’d kick my tired old butt out of there. Where’s mean-Rick when we need him?